A reader wants to know what I think of the "masochist's dilemma:"
The most complete answer is the one you've already given--it's specific to the woman--but I know that's not what you wanted to hear, so here's my version.
People that are more confident and outgoing are more likely to get a response from me, so that's usually a good way to go. This is because they are actively putting themselves on my radar, rather than waiting for me to notice them/their profiles.
Note that I said "outgoing," not "aggressive" or "obsessively persistent."
The confident, outgoing person politely introduces him/herself, and then waits for a response. As I'm sure most of my readers know, this is what is called polite conversation. They don't bother to bombard an unresponsive person with multiple messages, and they don't take the unresponsiveness personally--if one message doesn't get a response, they just move on.
The ones I personally like best introduce themselves as people first, and as submissives/masochists second. This indicates to me that they (probably) realize that I am a person first, with a job and lots of vanilla friends and family that simply cannot know anything about the delicious pain noises that I cause you to make... at all. Ever. I need to know that you can pass in the vanilla world should I ever decide to introduce you to my family. And beyond that, I'm just not a very casual player; I need to know you before I know if I want to beat you. (Once upon a time I was more casual about my sex life. That was before I nearly fucked a Republican. Scary, huh?)
Now maybe you're thinking to yourself, But I'm not outgoing or confident! What hope do I have? Well, if you're so shy that you can't do more than offer your name and smile awkwardly when a dominant woman talks to you, you're going to have a really tough time getting lucky. I'm sure there are instances where a domme's fixation on a wallflower turned out to be a fairytale affair, but I haven't experienced that. If I'm going to hunt you down despite your shyness, I need positive feedback to my advances. Lacking that, I might think you're just not interested and decide to stop wasting my time with you.
On one hand, a slave is passive, obedient to the dominant female. On the other hand, a woman may enjoy a male to be more active, to call, ask her out, take initiatives. Of course it's specific to the woman, but what would you, what would most dominant women, prefer?
The most complete answer is the one you've already given--it's specific to the woman--but I know that's not what you wanted to hear, so here's my version.
People that are more confident and outgoing are more likely to get a response from me, so that's usually a good way to go. This is because they are actively putting themselves on my radar, rather than waiting for me to notice them/their profiles.
Note that I said "outgoing," not "aggressive" or "obsessively persistent."
The confident, outgoing person politely introduces him/herself, and then waits for a response. As I'm sure most of my readers know, this is what is called polite conversation. They don't bother to bombard an unresponsive person with multiple messages, and they don't take the unresponsiveness personally--if one message doesn't get a response, they just move on.
The ones I personally like best introduce themselves as people first, and as submissives/masochists second. This indicates to me that they (probably) realize that I am a person first, with a job and lots of vanilla friends and family that simply cannot know anything about the delicious pain noises that I cause you to make... at all. Ever. I need to know that you can pass in the vanilla world should I ever decide to introduce you to my family. And beyond that, I'm just not a very casual player; I need to know you before I know if I want to beat you. (Once upon a time I was more casual about my sex life. That was before I nearly fucked a Republican. Scary, huh?)
Now maybe you're thinking to yourself, But I'm not outgoing or confident! What hope do I have? Well, if you're so shy that you can't do more than offer your name and smile awkwardly when a dominant woman talks to you, you're going to have a really tough time getting lucky. I'm sure there are instances where a domme's fixation on a wallflower turned out to be a fairytale affair, but I haven't experienced that. If I'm going to hunt you down despite your shyness, I need positive feedback to my advances. Lacking that, I might think you're just not interested and decide to stop wasting my time with you.
5 comments:
That is excellent advice, about being a person first, as well as “actively put themselves on her radar.” Trying to let the Dominant woman know you are there, and available, if she is interested.
The idea of radar brings images to mind. Be on her radar as a target. Try to trigger her hunting instincts. Draw the Dominant woman like blood to a shark, or a bare neck to a vampire…
Thanks for this. I find my hardest part isn't so much approaching but letting someone know I'm interested.
I can talk and talk and talk but just can't break that barrier to let them know I'm interested. I've had women tell me months later that they had no clue I was into them.
Sadiste:
Most helpful to get your reactions and perspectives to axe’s query.
First, where is one most likely to find dominant women? Of course at clubs and the like, but i suspect such are overrun with wannabes subs, to the annoyance of the women. One may find powerful accomplished women at work, but they may not wish to continue the effort after hours. Other places in your experience? Where have you met subs before?
Second, in ordinary social settings, what is most likely to put a submissive “on your radar?” Do you have your own “slave-dar?” Or might a casual joke tip you off? What for you is the blood in the water, the bare throat?
In my own experience, it may get attention to do a favor for a woman then ask “Anything else i can do for you?” Or to pretend to call her bluff with “Are you prepared to enforce that?!” Always humorous of course.
After that, as we’ve discussed, the next step means being a strong enough male so that she’d want to own, but not so strong she hesitates to try to control.
Good comments! Stay tuned, and I'll try to address your questions in the next week or so, 'K?
And you have just described why people in the lifestyle are never able to reconcile my personality with my being a submissive.
Because I'm not submissive in the vanilla world. I'm opinionated and passionate and in control. And that's how it goes for some of us; submission is an escape, an opportunity to step out of this world and into a holy of holies where we can worship.
Making the very correct argument that you make, no one should ever assume a person's dominant or submissive status from the way they act outside the act itself.
Post a Comment